I cried...

Last nite. I was hurting and lonely and pissed all rolled into one! Well for a brief recap..let me see here.. Well i havent been talking to Pythian. (Gavin's Grandad) because we had got into it one day a few weeks ago. While Damien was out of town he still had to come by the house and pick the baby up for me so i could work. Well one day upon bringing, Gavin home I asked him of he could just come in the morning b/c I have to leave out by at least 8am to make it to the gig at 9:30. So anyway the next day 8:00 comes and goes and no Pythian. So then i call and ask him, "Where are you?" he tells me grumpily "I'll be there in a minute" So i wait and wait and wait and look at the clock and it's 8:10!! Finally he arrives and of course im pissed! He doesnt say good morning, or he isnt even remotely apologetic about being late! Clearly he didn't give a shit! Now mind you that i pay his ass 20bucks a day to keep my dam baby!..his OWN dam Grandchild! That shit alone still doesn't sit well with me, but "HEY" tough Titty! I do the shit. So anyway I've got to run for the bus and shit and before i got on it he was still loading Gavin into the car, well i hollered out, "If i've got to pay you $20 a day to keep Gavin, I'mma need you to be on time!" Sure did..yea i said it..now what?!. So he calls my cell while im on the bus asking, "What you say?" So this is where the arguing began and resulted in me ultimately hopping back off the bus trucking it back home, called off and told him to bring me my gat dam baby!!! These mofo's betta stop playin with me and mine!!... The tears from lastnite stemmed from just plain o'le frustration! Damien never makes me feel speacial and im just exhausted with this whole tumulous relationship! That's one thing that big Country nicca did do and I can give him that!.. (Big Man) he sure did know how to make a bish feel special. I mean with all the giftcards and candies and flowers he would send me for no reason at all!..that muthafucker had my head swimming!..lol.. Oh well.. moving on... Yea i still aint talked to that crazy azz Chrissy... and don't really plan on it either...her attitude just sucks ass! I went and performed back at Checkerboard last Tuesday. It was dead as fuck!..and now Zamien's bright azz call himself flirting with me..lol....boy bye! I killed it tho. I performed "Rockstar" and my girl Alesha was in the house showing support. We all went out last weekend as a matter of fact for Alesha's birthday. She had it at the "Green Dolphin"..(Never Again!!) just tooooooooo ghetto! My gosh I love my people, but I really like the diverse crowds. We rocked it anyway and had a good ol'e fashioned Glamour Girl time!.:) I also had gotten up with Shelita (Chyna Beach) a few times last week and blew something.. She still on the same ole "slut" shit..lol..sorry but it's true! Hey who am I to judge do you mama! Gavin my baby boy is the light of my life! I know that he loves me for sure if nobody else does. He 's getting sooooo big!! i swear he grows every night! childcare is taking it's sweet time with processing my paperwork..smh..assholes! He is soooo ready to be in school and i'm ready to get him in there. Father's day was just this past Sunday and I got Dame some nice shoes and a shirt. He went out of course..smh..any reason to drink and smoke. Oh well that's all I've got to vent about right now.. I'll be back sooner than lata!.. Chow!

What's New & Exciting part deuce!

Oh I wasn't done...lol! I had a few more things to talk about. So just if i do get some spontaneous random readers i want to clarify something. My relationship with Gavin's dad is a very difficult one. We have been together for years and years and years and I am only 27..lol! Seriously tho. i just don't want the random reader to think i'm some slut bucket b/c i'm not. As of now and about 5 years me and him have only been together for convenience. Sad i know but true. And now since Gavin is in the mix even more so, but i'm about to change all that in a hot minute so stay tuned... So back to what i was about to say.. So remember Tommy?? My Cutie Pie Nigerian friend. Well he contacted me out the blue about a month ago. we chatted and i was so... elated to hear from him, b/c our little encounter was brief but nasty!..lol! No not raunchy nasty meaning the ending was nasty. You know i tear heads off with this tongue of mine..lmao but vvs.. So anyway he's such a charmer and so am i so i met him afterwork once and we hung out til about 2am. I was tired as shit b/c i had to work the next day. He pissed me off yet again!! Waiting on his big head ass brother and shit. I'm like. "Dude can i get the fuck outta here?!!" He gave me $50 and I hailed a cab i was pissed! Just because i was looking forward to the ride home with him you know?.. Just jerks. So i talked to him here and there, but was just done with his whole "I be busy" attitude. Well so am I dude, so get the fuck on and don't call my ass nomore! That's how we fix that.. Then around the same time I bumped back in to Tommy i was walking back from Nordstroms to work when i spotted this other nice looking guy. So i did what I do and smiled and said , "Hey there" or something like that. Anyway long story short we exchanged numbers. His name is Marcus and he was pretty cool. We went out and had Drinks a few times, a concert, movies shit like that. Now this muthafuka is getting frisky! I'm like dam!! WTF!! I ain't going. For one he's lame as hell!!..lol!! Total square, but you know sometimes you need a square in ya life. Besides they have their pro's and con's. He open's doors and pays for everything without a problem. He cant dress for shit tho and is just an overall nerd! So it looks like i'mma have to cut him off too. I also went to the "Wild Hare" a few weeks ago with my buddy "Say-So" and i met some guy up there. "Harry" Anyway i think he just wanted to hit my reefer, but it was all good. Anyway I had him take me home and when my duck ass gets out the car i left my friggin phone! So when i finally do get it back from him, i go thru it and it's pics of him and shit and pics of his TV..feet just dumb shit! i'm like WTF?? Freaky so he never got a call from me either. The thing is this muthafuka couldn't take the hint! He kept calling and calling and texting and leaving messages..Go away crazy ass dam! Okay let me inhale this polish sausage...nooo people get your minds out the gutta!!!..lol!! That's my Piece Peacceeee

Whats New & Exciting??

Well quite a few things. Umm..let's see.. As of now im still at home with Damien.. (Eh) but it's been great for the last 8days!..lol. Well that's only b/c his ass has been in MIA living it up!..Good have fun we all deserve some. Me and Gavin had a smashing good time, just enjoying oneanother's company. He loves his mama, if noone else does. I'm still at a halt with my music and thangs, but that's okay. I've decided that eventhough writing and creating is what makes me come alive, I need to focus more on immediate things so that, everything can start to flow accordingly. Like for one an apartment! I've got to get out of that dam house as soon as possible! Once i'm nice and comfortable in my new place and finally get Gavin in a school then i can start to focus more on my writing, because right now i just get frustrated and flustered and start to think that it wont happen for me. I can't allow those types of thoughts to enter my brain i know...but sometimes they do. I found out last week that an old friend of mine is expecting..smh.. What the hell right?? She is the absolute last person IMO that needs to be having a dam baby! First off she doesn't even like children and has absolutely no problem with relaying that to you and her own children for that matter. Secondly, she hasn't even been in Georgia a full year yet and she's already knocked up by some ninja! Then she says that he "Tricked her"..lmao!! Girrrrrrl get that shit the fuck outta here! Who you think you talking too?.. Boo Boo the Fool? Aint no nigga's "Trying" to get chicks knocked up! She sounded like a plum fool telling me that mess. Then she's what 33 or 34 about to have a dam baby! Starting all over again??..The Fuck!!. So i ask was she gonna stay down there in Georgia or what? She says, "Oh no i'm coming back home, i'mma need some help" Girl!! WTF! So you having some nigga's baby who is in Georgia and now you gonna pull the baby boy back out of school and bring him back to Chicago so that you can have some help with your new little bastard child?? Lord help her. But all i did was say "Oh" and "Okay" but im sure she could sense my disdain about the whole situation.. Get yo ass a pet if you want something to just have for showcasing and playing, but babies are real and they deserve love and attention two things that i've never witnessed her give her children..sorry but it's the truth. Oh well..it's her life.. I'll be praying for that baby tho.. I talked to Big Man today. I sent him a good morning picture text of myself on yesterday and we talked briefly. I dont know what the fuck it is about that muthafucka! But i swear my heart wont turn him loose. As hard as I try it just wont go away. He said he's gonna send me some money to come to birthday Bash 06/19.. that's where he'll be.. Pray for me.. That's my Piece Peace

Rockstar.

Heeeey Nah!... *poplocks

I'm stoked!!.. So my mom texted me late last nite telling me that she had heard, on the radio all day yesterday that Steve Harvey would be sponsoring a showcase at the Regal Theater on Thursday, which is ummm tomorrow! You know my ass jumped right on it! So I found out that they are only accepting the first 300 individuals to audition. I've got to be there super early, cause i've just got to get in there! I'm gonna sing my dam heart out! I'm gonna get that publishing deal one way or another. And my manager Paul is soooo... accomodating and supportive! He let me have the whole day off without any problems..so sweet of him.:) I wont forget you Paul when I make it!..LBS.. On another note I got approved for the apartment in Hyde Park Whoo Hoo!.. Well Damien did actually b/c my credit is shot at this point, but either way im excited because i am sooooooo...ready to get out that dam house! Citimortgage can come and air lift that b*tch off the ground if they want too!.. It's just too many hassles, bills and repairs when dealing with a house! Knowing what i know now, i'll be much wiser going in the second time around... I'm pondering on what song i should sing on tomorrow?. "Make U Mine" is my baby and I always sing it so well to me, but "Waiting In Vain" is just so emotional all the way thru that it's bound to give someone chills. So IDK just yet..i've gotta get home in the mirror and practice..lol... I went to the movies lastnite and saw that "Death at a Funeral" really could have waited until it came out DVD..but that dam show is just so phucken nice! High as hell, but nice nonetheless. Oh well thats my piece for today beautiful peoples...Peace..

*Sighs...

I'm in such a foul mood today! Lord help me!..I've been crying all dam day and the shit is doing nothing but giving me a fucken headache!!! My life is at a halt! I don't know what the fuck I'm s'pose to be doing when it comes to my so called "Relationship". I have the same dam argument with his ass all the time! Every time i think that we can work it out and salvage what we have, something happens to make me want to leave his ass all over again!. Now even before Gavin was born the argument was always the same. His ass wants to go outside every fucken day and sleep the dam day away when he is home. Like WTF is that! So things are no different than they were 11yrs ago! He's not supportive about any of my writings and he's immature as hell! I cant have an adult conversation with his ass w/o him giggling like a gat dam school girl! So i've posted some videos of myself singing some of my material acapella on Youtube. Everyone was so phyched about it! Especially his mother. So yesterday I pull up the "Youtube"and show him and he says nothing of course. Then i show him a new video that i had just uploaded the nite before. I was performing a song entitled "Anything" and before i went into the song i stated, "I wrote this for "Damien" years ago". Do you know what this muthafuka does? He laughs!! Yes! Laughs right in my fucken face! Like that gat dam school girl!..How insensitive is that?? That is my support system..like seriously. That shit hurt my fucken feelings, but do you think he gave a shit?..No! Then i asked, "What the fuck are you laughing about?" he says, "I'm just saying, why you put me on blast like that and yadda..yadda..yadda.." boy shut the fuck up! First of all aint nobody checking for your duck ass!..and secondly you should be flattered that i made a song for you nimrod! I can see if i was bashing the nigga in the song, but i was giving him props and saying that he could get "Anything" from me b/c he's so good! So yea this is the type of dumbshit i gots to deal with at home!.. Then lastnite he just haaaad to get his ass out the house! I'm like RUS?? Dam! What you think you gonna miss something out there in the street?. I was just baffled b/c we had just had an argument about the same shit the day before and he goes and do the same shit again??.. So i text him and say, "You make me sick!" He says, "I'm dropping Ken off too his car..I'm on my way!" Fuck Ken!!! You got shit at home that you need to get in order! I dont give a dam about no muthafucking Ken! Then he calls and I don't answer, so he text me some bullshit saying, "Dont be mad, it just be tight situations, you just need to understand." lol!!! Boooooooy you got me twisted inside and out! What the fuck do i need to understand huh?.. That your lil boy ass would rather rip and run the streets all dam day and night than spend time with your family?. That taking Ken to his fucken car is more important than Gavin and me??. I didn't even respond to that shit..b/c had i did, it wouldn't have been pleasant.. Then "Big Man" is smelling himself as usual. I sent him a random text one night lastweek some sweet shit. I dont know why i keep playing my own dam self when it comes to him, b/c i know he's a fucken asshole!..IDK..I guess eventhough I don't like his ass..my hearts still in love with him. Well anyway I sent his ass a text like 1:30am my time 2:30am his time. I knew he would be sleep, but that was fine cuz he would just get it when he woke up in the a.m. Plus we use to do this type of shit all the time. So i text, "Im thinking about you.". So the next day i gets nothing. No call..no text. So I text his big head ass, like "Hey You." He finally returns that text like 2 fucken hrs later! Such a gat dam fuckboy! I'm like, did you not get my text lastnight?.. "Oh yea I was dead sleep".."Umm i figured that, but thought that you hadn't received it since, i didn't get a reply." "I did reply sweetheart". Liar!!!! Not to this one..cuz I didn't get shit!. So i move on to something else. Letting him know i'll be in ATL for "Birthday Bash" this year and asked would I be able to see his face.. The muthaphuka ignores me again and that was it.. i went in!!!!.. Told his ass, "Why must you be so dam rude??! A simple I'm busy would suffice! What you think you too good to talk to me or sumthin?.. He's like, "Just b/c i reply late?.." i'm like, "Or not at all!"..You're just to dam rude for me..forget it!..He's like, "Okay". What the fuck Eva with all these punk ass niggas! I swear they get on my last fucken nerve!!!!!! OOOh weee i need to blow this spot asap and get me a blunt and a drink!!!!!! okay lata.

Me Rapping and singing some of my material..